Traveling sola.

This is my first time I´ve traveled this extensively totally by myself before.

It´s awesome...



...and it also sucks.

The Pros:
Quiet time to write, reflect and read.
Getting to go, do, see what you want, when you want.
Interacting with others and hearing peoples stories along the way.
Going outside of your comfort zone to get involved in what´s going on around you.
Learning and growing through independence.
Making mistakes and learning how to do something better.

Drinking in a dark Mezcal bar.

The Cons:
Being forced to interact with others out of boredom or lonliness.
Going outside of your comfort zone when you´d really just rather stay in a bubble.
The times when you want people around, you have to go searching for it.
Feeling awkward and self'conscience approaching strangers.
It gets lonely talking to myself all the time.
You don´t look like you´re having fun when you´re drinking by yourself. You just don´t.
No one catches your mistakes and you have to learn the hard way.

I´ve been struggling with this a lot the last few days. I expected all of these feelings. But what I didn´t expect was to see the different me when all my secure places and people are stripped away. Being faced with the reality of who you are and how you act in different settings can really wreck a person. Constantly having to put yourself out there is vunerable and sometimes it can sting.

So what do you do?

 I rely a lot on prayer-that I give myself grace, and God build up courage in me.

I take pictures of my food and the places I see.

I go to the bar by myself or eat a meal in silence.

I start up those awkward conversations and hope there is some connection.


And sometimes along the way, someone extends an invitation to sit with them. Sometimes, they start the awkward conversations. Sometimes, you look up and see a person that shares the exact same struggles that you do.

More Antigua

Throughout the 4 days in Antigua I...

Climbed Volcan Pacaya...

   
       


..and roasted marshmallows at the top.


Admired the Ruinas de San Pedro and other colonial architecture around the city.


      

Learned about the uses of Macademia nuts at Valhalla Macademia Farm...

...and ate incredible macademia pancakes.



Rode a few souped up Chicken buses...

Found a quiet, solitary place to pray...

Discovered a wonderful oasis hidden from the city streets...

...and took more pictures of awesome food.

Tried my first (second and third) shot of pure Mezcal in the hidden back room of a bar...

Walked under the famous arc that opens to the center of the city...

 Gracias Antigua! On to San Pedro La Laguna...

Bienvenidos a Guatemala.

Guatemala.

A small country squeezed in among those other Central American countries that usually get confused.

Cerro de la Cruz-A hill overlooking Antigua

I couldn´t help but compare this country to what I experienced in Ecuador. But that´s all I could think about when I arrived in Guatemala City at night and all I could see were the busy city streets, motos zipping in and out of traffic, students sharing a bag of chips on their walk home from night classes, and Pollo Campero;  I was immediately transported back to my years living in South America.

Old colonial architecture in Antigua.

This feeling grew when I arrived in Antigua. The cobblestone streets. The colonial architecture.  The horse-drawn carriges circling the parque central, where locals, families and tourists stroll through the many cafés and restaurants that look out into the parque.  Men and women from the surrounding countryside walk around offering up their handicrafts to any passing foreigner. Their small children traverse through each place selling candy and gum.

This place truly was a smaller version of the Cuenca I had lived in for over a year. But Antigua has, in its own way, a unique and special atmosphere. Antigua draws national and international tourists for a reason. I felt it this evening, walking around the city and sitting in el parque at 4pm on a Friday.

Ruins in Antigua.

It was one of those days where the rain stopped early and the sun was making one last attempt to shine through the massive clouds. People were off work early, and throngs of people-tourists and Guatemaltecos on a weekend trip, filled the streets. I had not seen these kinds of crowds in the last few days. I had not seen this kind of activity and liveliness throughout the town until that moment.

I could tell people were just happy. There was a band playing in the background. A woman, balancing a large cooler on her head, was selling helados to kids on their way home from school. The vendors selling their woven cloths and wooden flutes had tons of people to follow around relentlessly. Their children got to walk a visiting family´s dog around the park. A group of people took pictures and laughed at the mime making a young American girl feel super awkward.

I sat in the middle, taking it all in. I wish I could have captured it all through pictures or taken a snapshot of that moment to show people at home. But if you´ve had an experience similar to this before, you know that nothing-not professional pictures or poetic words-can capture these moments.

San Jose Cathedral-Antigua 

7 days, 3 destinations and one family in a mini-van.

This describes my recent family trip to California.

I've always wanted to travel in northern California. I dreamt of the high alpine mountains, great hiking, vast forests, a laid-back vibe and ultimate appreciation for nature that exists in that part of the country.

We decided to take on some of the highlights of Northern Cali and had a full, (and very detailed, thanks to my Dad) itinerary for our 7 days together.

First stop was Lake Tahoe. Majestic clear blue waters. Cold. Surrounded by mountains. It was peaceful, beautiful, and a relaxing hiatus from busy Chicago.

We took a lift up to the top of Squaw Valley and walked around their ski resort. It was incredible that in a place that felt so warm, the snow still capped the peaks and streams stung with winter's cold.

Emerald Bay and Emerald Castle

We drove from north to south Tahoe and kept stopping to admire breathtaking views. Each curving bend opened up to a new view point of the lake and surroundings.

Our favorite activity in Tahoe, besides appreciating the views, was rafting on the Truckee River. While it was soft and lazy most of the time, we did hit a few bumps and almost lost my sister and my dad on a rough patch. There was no better way to spend a hot afternoon than gliding through the cool water with some PB&Js and cold beers.

A relatively calm part of our rafting experience.

One thing become evident throughout our travels in California; and that was that everyone appreciated the simplicity of life. People came to sit and enjoy nature, the way it was created and intended to be. The activities focused on being present and experiencing the natural environment the way it was.

Back in mini-van, our next stop was Yosemite National Park. Surprisingly, I had no idea what to expect at Yosemite. Part of it was not wanting to have high expectations of the park, but the other part was truly not being aware what this area had in store.

Tuolomne Meadows

Upper and Lower Yosemite Falls

We did several nice hikes around the area and drove through the Taiga Pass, which is usually closed 9 months out of the year, and into the Valley. At any point throughout the day, the views changed giving contrasting images of the sites. We didn't get to do as much hiking as I would have liked, but we got to see quite a lot in our two days here. 

El Capitan

Tunnel View in the early morning

Merced River

My sisters and I enjoying drinks and the scenery at Ahwahnee Hotel. 

I was in awe to be surrounded by giant cliffs, roaring falls and miles upon miles of untampered forest. You just don't get this view or atmosphere living in the Midwest. It made me jealous of Northern Californians who get to live in that surrounding every day.

Our third and final stop was San Francisco.  A small, yet fascinating city packed with culture and history. 

Coming from a huge city like Chicago, with all it's diverse neighborhoods, San Francisco, at first, was underwhelming. I was expecting a city much larger than what we arrived in. However once we started exploring the area, I saw the beauty and interesting details that make San Francisco special and unique.

Riding the touristy but classic cable cars.

First was the different forms of transportation for a small city. Sure, the cable cars have become a tourist attraction. But what I didn't realize was how these cable cars, along with other "antique" buses are still widely used to this day. The cable cars, along vintage trolly cars collected from around the world, are still a viable form of transportation for commuters, locals and tourists alike. Also, the feel walking through San Francisco is one of preservation from an earlier time. It acknowledged the old and embraced the new.

The other special feel about San Francisco was that, for being a smaller city, it truly flaunted the different cultures living in that area. In a 30 minute walk, you go through Chinatown, an Italian village, Korea Town, Japan town, Fisherman's Wharf, an upscale Union Square, and a busy industrial district. The food was incredible and each neighborhood featured its own specialty.

Muir Woods

Outside the Cliff House

Considering that in 7 days, we traveled in three areas within 4-6 hours of each other and every location was all together different in comparison with the others, shows the diversity that exists in California. I mean, we only went to three..THREE places. You can drive for several hours in the Midwest and think you were still in the same place. California's lush colors, soothing sounds, fresh natural smells and drastic heights leave the Midwest with much to be desired.  I believe this trip was the first of many to that part of the country in an escape from the bland fields of the Midwest.

Wholehearted

The title for this blog was inspired by a series of messages, talks, books and discussions with wonderful women and professionals over the past few months.

"Wholehearted" is a term I got from reading and listening to Brené Brown. This idea of living as a wholehearted person has stemmed from her TED Talks, books and research about shame, vulnerability and what it means to live life in connection with others.

In her talks, she defines a "Wholehearted" person as someone who has:

Courage-To tell the story of who they are with their whole heart, including their imperfections.

Compassion-To love themselves first for who they are and love others the same.

      Connection-Stepping into relationships with authenticity and letting go of who you think you should be, in order to embrace who God made you to be.

I struggle with loving myself for who I am. 

I hear the voice of shame say: "You're not _______ enough."

I compare myself to others and to the imaginary person I think I should be.

I am broken.

But I bet you are too.

All of us are in some way. 

One of the most powerful quotes I took away from Brené Brown's work was: 

"Shame needs 3 things to grow: Secrecy, Silence and Judgement.  

The two most powerful words when we're in struggle are: Me too."

Loving ourselves and others the way that God loves us is the only way to grow, transform and live wholehearted. Right now I'm working through that and trying to break down some of the walls I've put up around me to hide who I am inside. 

My desire and aspiration for the next couple of months is to begin peeling back those layers of insecurities and imperfections. For the next 5 weeks, I will be removed from the daily life I have settled into. I will be traveling alone for 3 weeks with little more than God's word, my own thoughts, and interactions with strangers to keep me engaged. 

Some have asked, "Aren't you afraid to travel alone?" or "Won't you get really lonely or bored?" 

Sure. Of course I predict to have feelings of loneliness, apprehension, insecurities, boredom and feeling lost. 

But more so I'm elated and expectant. I'm preparing for a time of self-discovery and growth. A chance to spend time in the presence of God, diving straight into my gaping holes and begin filling them with truth.  I want to challenge myself to be open and authentic with others who I meet along the way, and be aware of the Spirit guiding me to certain people, places and conversations. I want to dare greatly in my attempts, failures and successes. 

Give me courage.

Why Write?

My first blogging experience was several years ago, when I took the plunge to live abroad in Ecuador after college. It seemed like a great time to start up a blog where family and friends could follow my experiences down there.  It served a great purpose then. But what about now?

Now, I live in Chicago.
I teach.
I see new things.
I meet new people.
I move from place to place.
I want to be active but also sit quiet.
I wrestle with God.
I grow and transform.
I seek intentional moments and relationships.
I desire a purpose-filled life.
I'm trying to becoming wholehearted.

I pray this life means something.

I hope to write about random joys, discoveries and thoughts. I hope to dive deeper into some of the simple pleasures of life. Writing is a way for me to share what that is. This blog is a way to reflect  God's beautiful plan.

Welcome.